So THIS Happened


A few months ago I had a fender-bender.  I really think this lady did a stop-and-squat on me.  Meaning, she purposely stopped so I could run into her.

There were a few scuff marks on my car and mere paint chippings on hers so no-harm-no-foul, right?  To the contrary, I was amazed when I asked her how she was doing she weakly sated,” My neck.”  People, I wanted to hit her in her neck, but good judgement prevailed.  Oh, and when the police came and we both got out of our cars, she suddenly developed a limp!  Really?!?  I tapped your car lady!  Ol’ stupid head!  But at this point I just thought the whole thing was just a bad (and played out) joke more than anything.

When the officer asked for my proof of insurance, I gladly handed him my card.  You see, I know I pay my insurance.  Humph!  Don’t mess with me!  Say what, officer?  Expired?  No, it’s not – oh, it is.  Well, let me check my purse.  It’s got to be in my purse somewhere.  No, it’s not in there, officer.  What’s that, officer?  (Notice my tone is a little humbler now.) You say I must have my new insurance card with me at all times?  And if I don’t I am fined and a court date is automatically scheduled for me?


And just as he handed me my ticket, all three pieces of my flip phone (Shut up! Yeah, flip!) slipped from my hand and spread across the street.  I looked at the ground and laughed.  Needless to say by the time I made it to work I was biting nails; and it didn’t help that by now everything on my to-do list was now deemed an emergency by the work gods.  You can imagine at this point I wanted to stand on my desk and scream, “Attica!  Attica!  Attica!”

Instead, I called my mom…good ol’ momma.  She would know what to do.  She listened and consoled me; I sniffed and hung up the phone.   After what seemed like a long while, 4:30pm finally came.  I drove home without incident, went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror.  My mouth was downcast and the gleam in my eyes was gone.  I turned to leave my reflection when I remembered I had two chocolate bars in the fridge.  I yanked them out, slipped into my pajamas, and dove into bed.

I cut on the TV and lo and behold the Disney movie, Frozen, was playing.  Just what I needed…let it go, girl, yes, yes, let it go.

So I closed my eyes and I did.


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