When You’re Sick, Just Go Home

Sneezing coworker

We are in the middle of flu and pneumonia season and it’s nothing to sneeze at, especially since these two diseases are the eighth leading reasons for death in the US. When I first started thinking about writing this article, I was going to list the symptoms, who’s most at risk, discuss the types of flu and pneumonia (who knew there were different types?), and all of that. It’s always good to check out great websites, such as, Mayoclinic.org, Healthline.com, and WebMD.com. But instead, I’m gonna do some real talk…when you are sick, just go home, love. Like for real, “Bye, Felicia!”

With all the seriousness that surrounds these two diseases, we still have people who won’t go home. They’re just out and about, sniffing and wiping their wet noses. They stay at work, feeling awful and risk spreading their yuck-yuck to you and others. So now comes the fun part: how to send your coworker, Mr. Booger Nose, home so you won’t get what he’s got.

1. Try the direct approach by sending him home. No, really, ask him to leave. That’s why you have sick days, boo. This is the method my coworkers try, and of course, it’s in the friendly, but-you-gotta-go-home-with-your-snotty-nose-and-don’t-come-back-until-it’s-gone kind of way.
2. But say you don’t have a close enough relationship with a coworker to be that direct with him. Try this: Mr. Booger Nose has approached your cubicle, sat down in the visitor’s chair, crossed his legs, and began an extended monologue of how he feels crappy and feverish to boot. Ask him, “Oh, are you sick?” Then reach over and pull out your large bottle of Ibuprofen and begin taking them in front of him. Trust, he will immediately apologize and leave your cubicle at least.
3. That didn’t work? Do like my coworker does, spray disinfectant and make sure the germy suspect knows that their mucus malady is not welcomed there.

But for those who know they are sick, and it’s your boss who is being hard about allowing you time off, this is what you do:

Go into his office (your boss may be a she, but for simplification purposes, let’s just say he is a he).
Plop that all-important project down in front of him.
Lean, I mean really lean over his shoulder.
Use a lot of words that begin with the letters ‘p’ and ‘h.’ That way, you can really spread ‘dem germs.
And you know that big, fat, shiny, $30.00 pen he uses? Grab it with your sweaty, stubby fingers and start writing with it.
Remember this last point if you don’t remember anything else, go back into his office repeatedly.

Betcha’ get sent home then. LOL! If not then, you can always take off a few days later when he’s at home sick himself. Wink.



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